BREAKING: Joe’s Pizza Sign Vanishes, Entire Town Spirals
This week, Streator faced a near existential crisis when resident Barbie Que innocently asked:
"Is Joe’s Pizza closing??? I just drove by and the sign is down… I really hope they’re just remodeling the exterior."
And just like that, a thousand sauce-stained hearts skipped a beat.
Luckily, we can confirm that Joe’s is NOT closing. They're just remodeling the exterior. But if you thought that would settle things—welcome to Facebook.
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The Facebook Fallout
Amber Hawthorne tried to bring calm to the crust:
“Just fixing up the exterior. They are not closing.”
But the comment section was already ablaze. And that’s when Terry Trenor entered the chat like a cheese-fueled jester:
“They are moving into Bill Walsh. Better parking.”
This, of course, triggered Jim Reihl, who whispered conspiratorially:
“I heard Becks is eyeing up BW building.”
And Terry, always ready:
“I heard Super America is opening back up soon.”
Enter Mical Melrose, deep-fried in nostalgia:
“Super America gas n chicken!”
To which Terry responded like a prophet:
“Eat the chicken.”
Meanwhile, Mical, ever the economist, cautioned:
“Don’t say that out loud... Pritzker will find a way to tax it!”
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Voices of Reason (and Mild Panic)
Sierra Hays brought us back to reality:
“Be careful asking if a business is closing on here… they’ll eat you alive.”
Josh Mehn agreed:
“A lot of people like to attack others on this page. Just for asking a question.”
Then came local philosopher Heather McMullen-Perhach, who laid down the moral:
“Peeps generally must get better at being GOOD humans.”
But E.J. Flanigan gave us the news that really mattered:
“Actually they are adding DIPPIN’ DOTS ice cream.”
Order restored.
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The Emotional Whiplash Continues
Jeramiah Moore confirmed the truth with Streator simplicity:
“There remodeling.”
Jodie Mackey Davidson added:
“My brother in from Texas a couple weeks ago thought they were closed too.”
Kurt Plymire tried to put a cork in the chaos with an image meme saying:
“If you don’t know the whole STORY. SHUT UP.”
To which Noah Fink replied:
“My boy, they’re asking a question—calm down.”
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Final Thoughts and Toppings
Donna Barhum offered a silver lining:
“Love Joe’s! And now they offer half baked for us out of towners.”
Bernie Minkler, visionary:
“Hopefully they add beef sandwiches.”
And finally, Benjamin Franklin (yes, that’s his name):
“Check their page out. I don’t think they’re closing. Best Pizza in town.”
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The Real Takeaway
Joe’s is fine. The pizza is still hot. The Dippin’ Dots are coming. The internet remains undefeated. And somewhere in the distance, a person is quietly muttering: “Eat the chicken.”
Stay vigilant, Streator. And for the love of mozzarella, don't assume a missing sign means the end. It might just mean… a fresh coat of paint.
🍕🧊🍕
