Streator Police Share More Tips You Didn’t Know You Needed
Streator Police Release Even More Crime Tips (Some of Them Barking Mad)
After recommending guard dogs and checkbook restrictions, the PD doubles down with new safety suggestions—ranging from common sense to community theater.
Following their now-iconic Facebook post advising residents to rent a guard dog, sleep overnight in half-renovated homes, and refuse all checks over $100, the Streator Police Department has returned with a second round of crime prevention tips.
The department says they’re “thinking outside the badge” in an effort to reduce crime.
Here’s the updated list of bold, exciting, and occasionally brilliant ideas to help keep crime at bay in Streator:
1. Politely Ask Criminals Not to Steal
According to the new guide, a firm but courteous “Please don’t” can go a long way. The PD suggests posting handwritten notes near tempting items like bicycles, packages, or catalytic converters. Suggested phrasing includes, “This is mine, please don’t take it,” or the more heartfelt, “I’m really trying my best right now.” It’s unclear how effective this is, but officials say it’s “at least worth a shot before investing in locks or alarms.”
2. Install Motion-Activated Sprinklers and Pretend They’re Lasers
While burglars might not fear a gentle mist, they could be confused long enough to trip over your lawn flamingos and flee. Bonus points if you narrate the experience like a spy thriller from your Ring cam footage: “Subject has entered Zone Alpha. Deploy deterrent.”
3. Consider Booby Traps
The department stops short of recommending swinging paint cans and tarantulas, but suggests placing Legos near doors and windows. “Pain is a powerful deterrent,” the statement reads. “Just ask any parent with a 7-year-old.” For legal reasons, they advise not going beyond the “mild ankle injury” threshold.
4. Shopkeepers: Hire Your Mother
Nothing deters theft like an older woman with nothing to lose and a deep well of disappointment. Station her at the front counter with a disapproving stare and a coffee mug that says “World’s Most Judgy Nana.” If she utters “I raised better than this,” criminals are legally required to feel shame.
5. Build a Moat
While the practicality of a fully functioning, water-filled trench around your home may raise eyebrows (and mosquitoes), the PD says a symbolic moat can be just as effective. Suggestions include a shallow ditch lined with lava rocks, tiki torches, or a ring of angry garden gnomes. For dramatic effect, consider a drawbridge made from recycled pallets.
But before you break out the shovel, they caution: check with the city’s planning department to secure a moat permit. Apparently, unpermitted medieval defenses fall under a zoning violation now.
6. Don’t Leave Wads of Cash in the Street
This one may seem obvious, but the PD felt compelled to clarify: “If you drop $40 in the middle of Main Street and walk away, you may not find it when you return.” The insight here is that “criminals tend to pick things up that don’t belong to them.” Groundbreaking.
7. Wear Reflective Sunglasses Indoors to Spot Shoplifters
Criminals can sense when you’re watching them. But if you’re wearing mirrored aviators while manning the register at Family Dollar, they won’t know where you're looking. Also doubles as a power move and makes you look like you’re auditioning for CSI: Livingston County.
8. Loud Music = Budget Security System
Forget expensive alarms—just leave your house with a Bluetooth speaker blaring a loop of barking dogs, chainsaws, or your aunt screaming “WHO’S OUT THERE?” Not only might it scare off would-be burglars, but it could also reduce visits from your in-laws.
9. Neighborhood Panic Whistles
The PD is encouraging residents to carry brass whistles and blow them loudly at anything even mildly suspicious. The goal is to create what they call a “chorus of concern.” Critics have called it “Streator’s answer to jazz,” but the department insists it’s working.
10. Hire a Ninja
If all else fails, police suggest looking into “private security options, including certified shadow warriors.” No, there is no licensing board for ninjas in Illinois. Yes, someone on the force has been watching American Ninja Warrior again. Craigslist inquiries are pending.
Closing Thoughts
While it’s unclear how many of these new strategies will be implemented citywide, the department insists that “even one prevented crime is a win.” Whether that win comes from a moat, a mom, or a misplaced Lego is anyone’s guess.
Until then, stay safe, stay vigilant, and if you catch someone snooping around your property—just remember, nothing stops a criminal in their tracks quite like a motion-activated Santa Claus belting out “Jingle Bell Rock” in June.
—The Streator Standard
